Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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