it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
