i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need moral support for this bender
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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