im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
