He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
