you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
