I puked a lego.
where am i from again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
