why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize