so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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