he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
