and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
