this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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