I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
