i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
