remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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