So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
