I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
