i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
