And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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