We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
