gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The Olympian is in my bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
