Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Found the puke drawer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize