The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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