she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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