watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
