Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
