I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
