Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
