woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
