guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
