im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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