sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
