Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
