WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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