he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
