i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
