My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
