i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
