just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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