well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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