If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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