I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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