I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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