Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
