I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
