you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
