I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize