I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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