we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
