you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize