Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
