There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
