cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
