drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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