I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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