The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
