new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
