but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This baby is an asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
