Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
