I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize