Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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