oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
