dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
