Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
