I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
