You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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