Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
