dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize